Raging Dad

The lovely brides, just three months ago.

About a month ago I told you about my friend Kristen who was raising her gloves one last time in her match against cancer. Along with her partner, whom she had married in a lovely lake shore ceremony in September, she fought cancer for almost two years. It began in her ovaries and coursed its way through her body, finally taking hold of her liver. On the 18th of December she was told that she had two-to-six weeks to live; actually, she only had six days. Kristen died in her bed on Christmas Eve, with her partner laying next to her, her mother and sister in the room. Kristen was 35 years old.

This sad news came to me on almost the same day I learned that my dear friend and mentor’s cancer, a rare form of lymphoma, has gone into remission. Dayna celebrated Christmas this year with her husband and daughter with a joy and happiness that I doubt can really be understood by anyone who hasn’t snatched their own life out of the grips of death.

I suppose there is a lesson there about the love and loss, about give and take and the cruelty and joy of luck and life. Amidst the inevitable craziness of the season—the shopping, the unexpected 15-inches of snow, the stir-crazy kids, the visiting grandmothers—I haven’t had much of an opportunity to think about her passing, coming closely on the heels of my friend Bruce’s death. I do know that it made the news of my friend’s victory over her illness seem all the more triumphant.

Kristen’s last message to her family and friends on her blog was devastating and poignant. Though you didn’t know her, perhaps you will find some wisdom in her parting words:

“If I had more time, I would learn to snowboard or go skiing in the Rocky Mountains. I would skydive with my sister. I would coach youth basketball or volleyball. I would do another marathon or more triathlons. I would teach a bible study. I would teach, in general. I would see Italy and Greece and use my high school French in Paris. I would have a marriage longer than 3 months and I would have kids. I would be nicer to everyone I meet, because the world is a harsh place and we all need a little more kindness.

“Instead, I have 2-6 weeks to live. Please, please, please, live your lives with purpose. Please don’t keep putting off those things you wanted to do because you can’t afford them or because something else is in the way. Please recognize the value in your children and their lives. Please put relationships above money and status and ambition. It’s not that I look back on my life with a lot of regrets but I do have some and now I just can’t say it enough how much more important people are than things.”

Thank you for that bit of wisdom, Kristen. I trust it is just one of the many amazing things you left behind.

Song of the day: “The Golden Day is Dying,” by Hem.