Stumble It!
Image from Gray's Anatomy, Source: Wikipedia
This day was bound to come; I just thought the boys would be a little older. I guess it is the late aughts, not the late 80s (cue Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are a-Changin’”). They are, in fact, growing boys with strong hearts capable of pumping blood throughout their nascent bodies.
I’ll set the stage: one morning a couple of weeks ago, Sonny was standing in the middle of the living room playing with a light saber (poetic, eh?), and I was minding my own business reading a comic book, enjoying a cuppa joe. I’ve been into French press lately, and had just found the right ratio of grounds to water. It was lovely.
All of a sudden, Sonny doubles over and hollers out in pain, clutching at his genitals. “Daddy, my penis is too big!” he cries. Having never made such a ridiculous statement myself, I was prepared with neither a comforting nor witty response.
“Do you have to go potty?” I managed to blurt out. He was clearly confused, so I took him to the bathroom, where he asked for some privacy. Privacy is all the rage in the Raging Household these days, which I am convinced is a good thing. Hopefully the fad will be here to stay, because I will be happy to return to the civilized days when we could close the door to poop.
Since then, Sonny continues to be fascinated with his penis. I guess once you’ve found it, there is no going back. The other day, Sonny called out to Raging Mom to come into the bathroom.
“Mom! My penis is hard! Touch it!” he exclaimed, no longer afraid of his boner.
“No honey,” Raging Mom replied, mortified.
“Touch it Mommy, it’s hard!” he pleaded.
“No honey, that’s just for you to touch.” (I think Raging Mom almost died just there.)
* * *
All this talk about penises brings me to an important question: how did you decide on whether or not to circumcise your kids?
Growing up in a small town with limited cultural diversity, virtually everyone was circumcised. The few boys who were uncircumcised were known to everyone and considered freaks of nature. My dad was circumcised, so I had a pretty fixed idea of what a penis should look like, and what it shouldn’t.
When Raging Mom and I found out we were having boys, she asked me if I had an opinion on the matter. Honestly, I’d hardly thought about it. My first instinct was, “Well of course.” Then I figured that I owed it to the boys to do a little bit of research on the future of their little naughty bits.
Not surprisingly, there is a vast amount of resources on the Internet on the topic. Soon, the bottom line became clear: Most families who choose to circumcise their kids these days do so because they want their kid’s dick to look like his dad’s. It’s as simple as that.
There was a wide array of assertions that it is easier to keep a pruned prick clean, that circumcision reduces the risk of urinary infections. There is also some research that suggests that circumcision could reduce the likelihood of HIV transmission in penile-vaginal intercourse. However, there is no consensus on these facts amongst medical professionals. If you look further back, there is strong evidence that the practice of circumcision arose from religious conservatives seeking to discourage masturbation. Evidently, having foreskin makes self pleasuring more pleasant. Who knew? (Oh yeah, that kid with the funny dick in gym class knew.)
I finally made my decision based on these three things:
- There is no definitive medical reason to circumcise my boys.
- The origins of the practice are dubious, and the evolution of medical justifications appear influenced by religious zealots who sought to make masturbation into an immoral act.
- I really don’t care if my boys’ penises look like mine or not.
Maybe it would be easier to keep clean, but hey, this isn’t the Middle Ages or anything. We’re not wallowing in filth here in the Raging Household. A little soap, a little water: good as gold. As far as cleanliness goes, I am pretty sure that wearing tighty-whities is FAR nastier than having to yank back some skin to polish the knob.
I am pretty much appalled by anything that is pushed on me by religious zealots, and I think it is my obligation to my kids to not let useless cultural practices continue when there just isn’t any conclusive evidence or data to suggest otherwise. To me, the default is to not engage in genital mutilation, unless there is indisputable evidence to suggest the contrary.
And when it comes to the locker room, these are different times and my kids are growing up in a different part of the country. They will be in the locker room with kids from other countries and backgrounds, many of whom are not into circumcision, and some of which find the practice barbaric. I am pretty sure there will be a more even split of cut vs. non-cut by the time middle school gym roles around for my kids.
And you know what? How hard is it gonna be to describe the difference between my helmeted fellow and theirs? I am not worried.
Oh yeah, I also want my kids to enjoy masturbation to the fullest possible. Doesn’t every dad? Go and prosper in ways that I cannot!
Filed under: good parenting decisions, growing up, important life lessons | Tagged: circumcision, erection
How can you NOT comment on this post? MAN O MAN! I would have paid GOOD money to see the way Raging Mom handled that one. How did she keep from completely plotzing?(see http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=plotz for a definition – I just remembered, not everyone grew up in a predominantly jewish neighborhood)
as for the decision, we really went with partial religious reasons, partially hygienic – mostly the latter tho.
I’m sorry, but tho I haven’t seen crops of uncircumcised penises, the one or two I’ve seen in the locker room showers looked kinda funky. Not gonna do that to my son. That and it just seemed like it would be a bitch to keep clean, ya know? The religious notion was mostly just to let her Dad live a little. He’s not very jewish, but this seemed fairly important to him and I was leaning that way anyway.
That’s just too damn funny! “Touch it mom it’s hard” had me rolling on the floor! I can’t imagine what my wife would have done…I guess we don’t have to worry about it since we only have girls.
I was born into a very Catholic family and the decision was made long before I even came along. I’m glad the deed is done and I’m even more glad that I don’t remember anything!
Alright, so two dads going with circumcised. Maybe I’m an oddity. I had good traffic today, whassup mommies? No opinions?
@M–See, I didn’t know any Jewish kids growing up. In fact, I’m pretty sure there was only one Jew in the whole school, and her name was Rainbow. Nice girl, but I don’t think she added to the whole circumcision discussion.
@Tyler–I am sure your girls will come up with something horrifying along similar lines! And yeah, I can’t imagine how traumatic it would be to remember such a procedure. Youch!
I’m feeling compelled to contribute to the female perspective (though it certainly was not an obvious decision). I was at the time committed enough, but absolutely unprepared, to stand beside my son(at day one and a half) watching the procedure, withstanding vociferous disagreement from his dad, after a surgically optioned birth (picture a big scalpel – it was his only exit path) to support the process. Truth be told, and I’ve seen a lot medically, it was very rough.
Given that we are not big bathers(at least the little we – don’t want to scare you), I think that I supported it for the hygienic, and ultimately the culturally familiar, reasons. To this day, I question what would it have taken to convince me otherwise. Is he scarred for life by the event? I hope not. Am I? Hmmm…
Do I respect those who are able to break free of their history and the familiar? Yup. Do I think that it will matter very much, to our kids? Not really – especially in their lifetime.
As usual, good for you for addressing less than easy subject matters with a directness that would stand us well in so many aspects of life.
Stay tuned for much more of your kids’ bodily awareness and sexual development. It is simultaneously wondrous and terrifying, and seems ultimately an opportunity to challenge our beliefs.
After much research, we opted not to. Unless there was a very pressing reason, there was no way that I was going to take this tiny little precious baby that I had just given birth to and subject him to that (pain that they pass out from). My hubby isn’t obsessed enough about his penis to care whether or not the kids’ look just like it. I suspect that where we are there will be plenty of boys in the locker room that have intact penises. You know, even if there aren’t, it really doesn’t matter. If you are going to get picked on, even if your penis matches everyone else, they are going to find something else to harass you about.
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BEST. POST. EVER. !!! Do you have a Best Raging Dad posts section? Cuz this needs to go front and center.
Uncut is natural and makes sense! I would never mutilate a penis, not even a baby penis.
Oh, to have seen the reaction Raging Mom was fighting back…
I’m 41, uncut, and have never had a problem with penile hygiene with the exception of one or two yeast infections in college. You are absolutely right. A little soap, a little water, good as gold. That argument is as silly as guys who try to argue that they’re biologically incapable of hitting somewhere inside the one-foot-diameter target in the bathroom. Teach them not to be disgusting, and they won’t be.
As for the sensitivity issue – you made the right call there, too. Part of the treatment for those yeast infections in college was to leave the foreskin back for a couple weeks. I can attest that after some time of being dried and rubbing against the clothes, sensitivity decreases. (Fortunately for me, it returns later…)
My two are daughters, but I would never allow a child of mine to be circumsized as an infant.
Your website is very interesting and informative. I’ve bookmarked it for later use to see what other good articles you post,