Raging Dad

Our vacation, though plagued by strep throat, has kept me pretty busy. As a consequence, I am poaching a post from my now-defunct family blog, from back in the halcyon days of yore, before we worried about encoding our kids’ identities online to avoid Googler creeps. This is one of my favorites from last summer (2007), when our kids were first discovering the joys of superheroes. This phase has not waned, much to my pleasure.

When you are two years old, everything exists at a polar extreme. Earlier this year I dusted off my Star Wars action figures and found a new shared interest with Michael and Sonny. Finally, I could play with my toys again without feeling like a total nerd! And they loved it. At first, it was a simple world: either you were part of the Rebel Alliance, fighting to hold on to the noble and wholesome ideals of the Republic; or, you were a part of the Galactic Empire, a tyrannical, galaxy-spanning regime, spreading terror and control far and wide.

Then, it became complicated. “Who is this?” asked Sonny, holding up Lobot, cyborg assistant to Lando Calrissian in the administration of Cloud City. “Well, he’s not really bad or good,” I say. “He’s just kind of there.”

This is an insufficient response. Sonny moves to clarify: “Does he fight bad guys?”

“Well, no,” I respond.

“He’s a bad guy,” Sonny declares. This continues. “Is Spider-Man a good guy?” “Yes,” I respond. “Does he fight bad guys?” “Yes.” Whew. That was easy.

Now we’re reading my new favorite book, “I Saw an Ant on the Railroad Track.”

“Is Switchman Jack a good guy?” he asks. “Does he fight bad guys?”

“No! I mean, yes, he’s a good guy. But he’s just a switchman! Just workin’ his shift in the switchman’s shack, shifting trains from track to track as east goes west and forth goes back!” Sonny is undistracted by my cleverness, and I am at a loss to explain the simple nature of the protagonist.

Soon, we are watching Bambi. “Is Bambi a good deer? Does he fight bad deers?” Sonny asks. I try to explain that there aren’t bad deers, ignoring his misuse of the plural form for the time being. Plenty of time to work on that later. Right now, Sonny is trying to process and examine a moral dilemma. That’s hard work.

Finally, Sonny asks the titular question. I offer: “Yes, Mommy is a woman. And I suppose she does fight bad guys, in a kind of metaphorical way.” He considers this, and for the moment, is satisfied with the answer.

Maybe I am making this too hard, trying to add shades of gray to his motive palette. Poor kid. It’s a good thing he can’t follow modern day politics.