Raging Dad

Much like the great Method actors—Brando, Beatty, Day-Lewis—I have thrown myself into my role as Dad. For example, I took a cue from De Niro in “Raging Bull,” who gained 60 pounds in order to embody the character of boxer Jake LaMotta. Yes, I am committed to the role. These days, I am thinking that I need to get in better shape, maybe go for the leaner look of De Niro’s Travis Bickle for a while. Minus the Mohawk, guns and insanity.

Not that I kept in great shape before kids. Like many dads, my hobbies and interests have changed since becoming a dad almost six years ago. Take movies as an example: My wife and I used to see everything in theaters. When Oscar season would hit we would see every picture we could, regardless of how minor the category. Now we are lucky to get to a movie once every six months, and when we do it is a rushed event, skipping the dinner before, the ice cream after.

When it was just our daughter and us for two years, it was possible, on occasion, to sneak out and remember the pre-daddy days. Then the twins came, and even the quick outings disappeared for a long time. That was hard for me, but it forced me to find new ways to enjoy the short bursts of free time, in between feedings and during naps. I embraced creative things that I had previously not given much time to. I’ll talk more about that in upcoming posts.

For years I have thought that I have two books inside of me, waiting to be written. The first will chronicle my misadventures as a mouthy shrimp in small-town Minnesota. The second will be about my experience as a young dad. Let’s face it: I’m not going to be sitting down to write a book anytime soon. Instead, I’m going to write about what it is like to be a father. It has been hard, and it has been wonderful. I chose “Raging Dad” as the title of this blog, not to emphasize the dark side of parenthood (there is one); rather, to acknowledge the complicated balances in fatherhood—frustration and joy, tenderness and madness—that we all experience, but try to not talk about.

I will talk about it here. If you find it interesting, please comment.